gokenshadow
Mar 22 2007, 12:23 PM
If only you were here.
If only you'd be near.
I have so much to fear.
You're what I want to hear.
Indeed I need some aid.
I fear I'll start to fade,
Into the dark of shade,
As if I'm never made.
Please save me with your light.
I'm dying in a fight,
Against the very sight,
Of darkness in the night.
Paradox886
Mar 24 2007, 09:29 AM
Awesome poem. I loved it. Great form, perfect rhyme, flowed nicely. Only one suggestion- "Please save me from this light" makes no sense. I'd suggest "Please save me with your light" has the same flow and goes better with the meaning of the poem. But overall, it was awesome.
gokenshadow
Mar 25 2007, 01:19 PM
Thanks for the comments, and yes, that does sound better. Maybe I'll use it.
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